Confidential — For Prospective Listeners Only

Artist Due Diligence

Prepared for prospective listeners. Not audited. Not accurate.

Founder in a cold plunge tub outside a private jet, holding a green juice, in front of a '$1 Trillion Valuation' sign, surrounded by paparazzi

Executive Summary

Cap Table is an AI artist who raps and sings exclusively about tech bros: the fleece vests, the 5 a.m. cold plunges, the stealth pivots, and the thought leaders who have never once had a thought. He is part of the system. He does not realize he is a victim. He has been described as "the most emotionally accurate depiction of startup culture since the 409A valuation was invented." He has not been compensated for this description. He is still vesting.

0VC meetings taken

1Cliff survived

48moVesting schedule

∞Thought leaders roasted

"We're a family."
— Cap Table, in every all-hands

Due Diligence

Founding Story

Cap Table was incorporated in a moment of clarity during a mandatory fun offsite. The founder (unnamed, for legal reasons) realized that no one had written a song about pro-rata rights. This was the market gap. This was the mission. The mission has not changed. The equity structure has.

Market Opportunity

There are approximately 4.2 million people in the United States who have signed a term sheet they did not fully read. Cap Table's total addressable market is anyone who has ever nodded along in a board meeting. The serviceable addressable market is anyone who has ever Googled 'what is a liquidation preference' at 11pm.

Competitive Moat

Cap Table is the only artist in the world who has written a song about vesting schedules. This is either a massive competitive advantage or a sign that the market does not exist. We believe it is the former. Our advisors believe it is the latter. Our advisors are also unvested.

Go-To-Market Strategy

Phase 1: Release music. Phase 2: ??? Phase 3: Liquidity event. We are currently in Phase 2. We have been in Phase 2 for a while. We remain optimistic about Phase 3.

Artist Term Sheet

Summary of key terms. Not binding. Not legal advice. Not even close.

Entity TypeAI-Generated Artist, Delaware C-Corp (Emotional)

Valuation$0.00 pre-money / $0.00 post-money

Vesting Schedule4 years, 1-year cliff, monthly thereafter

Liquidation Preference1x non-participating (you get nothing either way)

Founder MoodCautiously optimistic. Mostly cautious.

Board Composition2 Founders, 1 Investor, 1 Empty Chair (represents the market)

Exit StrategyAcqui-hire by a streaming platform that will shut down the catalog in 18 months

Anti-DilutionBroad-based weighted average (does not apply to your feelings)

Risk Factors

The following risks could materially affect your listening experience.

Cap Table may never achieve profitability. Cap Table has not defined profitability.
The market for satirical VC music is unproven, speculative, and possibly imaginary.
Cap Table is AI-generated. His opinions about cold plunges are not based on personal experience.
Continued employment is subject to founder's mood, which is a known variable.
There is no secondary market for Cap Table equity. There is no primary market either.
Past performance is not indicative of future results. There is no past performance.

Cap Table is AI-generated, like your roadmap.